A Milestone To Remember
I was feeling feverish the whole of yesterday and ended up spending most of it sleeping cos I didn’t want to forfeit my fast. Perhaps that was the reason why I couldn’t fall asleep last night. At every toss and turn, I woke the Wan who is a light sleeper. So I decided to get off the bed at 3am, hit the computer on and start working on my greatest worry for now.
Things seem to be so much easier each time I try to get the codes to work today. I was so frustrated with the codes previously that I was on the verge of giving up. Somehow, today I felt that the codes are working along with me instead. Alhamdulillah. I cried tears of joy, seriously. It had been my greatest worry but now things are falling into place, nicely solving the puzzle.
Perhaps, it was one of the probable malam lailatulqadar, eh? Heheh mana tau
It has been exactly one year since I’ve been on my own, without anyone “on top” governing my every action. It has definitely been my most trying year which I wouldn’t be surviving if not for the belief and support especially from my husband, the Wan, and my family, of course. Like the Malay idiom, kais pagi makan pagi, kais malam makan malam (the literal translation in English); I have been getting by. But this last quarter of 2008 is very much more promising than the months I’ve trudged, MasyaAllah.
I’m beginning to see the signs slowly but surely.
Of course there had been days when I doubt this path I’m taking. The helplessness can just be overwhelming when emotions run high and money runs dry. But I got my answer during class last weekend. My doubts were cleared by Mr Mentor when he broached on marriage. This is definitely my right path. I have truly liberated myself – I’d like to think of myself freelancing; because I am really free.
I enjoy the time I have in my hands now. I love the fact that I can wake up as early as I can, to see the sun rises and not rush to start my day. I can choose the days to do my laundry without having to worry that the basket will overflow. I get to eat my meals with the husband. I get to wake him up in the morning, see him off to work at the door, then greet him later in the evening after he has returned from a day’s work. The other best thing, I get to go visit my family and Asfa any time/day I wish!
I get to be the wife yet enjoy the perks of working for my own income. My bonus? The smile on the husband’s face when he sees me after a day’s work, his attentiveness to things I move/clean, oh and the love he showers me at the littlest things.
Subhanallah, walhamdulillah, wala ilaha illallahu wallahu akbar
Definitely, I have no regrets leaving the rat-race and am surviving well after a whole one year. This is definitely a milestone I’ll look back one day with much pride.
Thank you for believing in me.